im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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