The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
