Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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