I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
