i just had sex bonerless
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Come share oat with me in your robe
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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