This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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