yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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