I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
