What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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