Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
