So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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