i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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