Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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