just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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