I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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