There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
