i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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