Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
