Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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