you guys were way drunker than both of me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
