Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
