the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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