idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
