He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
