when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
