Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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