I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
