Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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