i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
