You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
