I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
