..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
