surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
