census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
