i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
