How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
