I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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