it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
