Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
