brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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