My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
