1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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