the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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