He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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