Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
