the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
