Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
