her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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