Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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