Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
