i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
