I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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