So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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