Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
